Posted 5 hours ago

Fear, Flying, Family, a Debate, and Six Songs

Fear and Flying

I’m flying somewhere over the U.S. Right now. We don’t have one of those fancy flight map things. But I really hate flying. Every bump, every noise causes my anxiety to spike. I just am not fond of it. Yes it’s faster than a car but still it’s just. Idk.

Family

I’m on my way back to Minnesota right now from seeing family in Arizona. Or well at least as many were around. Some of my cousins are still in college and busy with other things. It was a good trip. I reconnected with a cousin who was like 10 the last time I saw her. She’s grown quite a bit and is in high school now. Though I hate to admit she can kick my butt in Ms. Pac-Man. I saw aunts and uncles who I haven’t seen in years. Even though people have been known to come out and visit Chicago. But even still then I haven’t lived close to Chicago in a few years. So even when they are in the Midwest I don’t see them. Granted I also had to deal with one uncle who tested the limits of how much I could deal with. That was “fun.”

Honesty I didn’t think I would have such a hard time leaving out there. Some days I just forget how much Minnesota depresses me.

A Debate

However…I’m flying back to Minnesota to direct the Franken/McFadden debate on Sunday. All of our debate prep starts tomorrow after WCCO This Morning. Should be interesting. I’m a little nervous about it. But still watch live on Sunday. 10am on WCCO 4!!

Six Songs

Right now during my flight I’m catching up on my podcasts and listening to KCRW’s Guest DJ project. Kind of trying to pass some time right now as we fly over the middle of nowhere since I decided not to pay for WiFi on this leg. Wasn’t worth it because I couldn’t bundle it with priority boarding like I did on the way out.

So anyway here is what right now I think would be my six…

  • The first song I have on my list has a lot of personal significance to it. It is the song that Candace and I wore out in the juke box at the old Dairy Queen in Palatine during high school. She and I literally played that song every time we went in there. My first pick is Piano Man by Billy Joel.
  • The second song on my list also has a lot of personal meaning connected with Candace. Every time I’ve ever made her a mix tape or a mix CD I would put this song on it. Sometimes on the label & sometimes hidden at the end. It was always on there because it is hard having your BFF halfway across the country. My second pick is Pink Floyd’s Wish You Were Here.
  • The third song is something I found at a time when I was having a hard time accepting some things about myself. I love the whole album, Laura Jane Grace’s lyrics, combined with a book that came out at relatively the same time, helped me get along. So it’s hard to pick just one song. The album, all 20 or so minutes of it, needs to really be listened to as one unit. Here is the title track of the newest Against Me! album, True Trans Soul Rebel.
  • The fourth is also from an album that I have tracked many times while I’m having a bad day or been completely stressed out. I absolutely love Tori Amos’s voice and music so it’s no shock that I chose something off of Scarlet’s Walk. It’s a really neat album written as I recall about someone trying to go across the country in search of someone. I Can’t See New York is probably the longest track on the album but it’s one I’ll listen to on repeat.
  • I’ve waffled several times on my remaining pick which happens to be the fifth song because I wanted to close with friends (see below.) It’s hard to chose just one song to pick for here. I know some people will be mad that I haven’t picked Beyoncé for anything. And I love the entirety of her self-titled album, as well as songs like Sweet Dreams and Single Ladies. But I think I’m going to have to go with another song and artist. This came into my life when I was sitting on my couch watching music videos on Much Music USA or America or whatever it was called at the time. The music video is powerful imagery and the song is about self-love and empowerment. It’s Fighter by Christina Aguilera.
  • As I mentioned above, the sixth pic is from a group of friends of mine. I first heard them when I was doing an air shift for Marquette Radio. They had formatted the station at the time and therefore limited what we could play. Pete, my cohost and I, basically spent the first few weeks playing “randomly pick a CD.” Sunspot’s album Radio Free Earth was probably one of the first albums we played on air. And the song we played that fateful day was Prozac Girl. We picked it mostly on the name as the song to play and it started my love for the band right there.

Header Pic: Me driving Uncle Tom’s 1956 VW Bug!!

via https://dayone.me/WrszDc

Posted 1 week ago

It feels so hard to meet my daily calorie goal when I’m being good. So far I’ve been under every day I’ve logged. Yesterday was the first day I got over 1200 which Shawna tells me should be the minimum I should be eating. It’s frustrating. I look at the number and think “well I could meet today’s with a slice of Mama’s or Luché” but I know I shouldn’t do it that way.

via https://dayone.me/UjBzTc

Posted 1 week ago

Summer’s last gasp

Today is one of the last nice days we have left this year in Minnesota. The temps are nice. There is a bit of a breeze. It wasn’t called a Top10WxDay by work but it could have been. Alas…I’m laying here on my couch missing most of it.

Again my energy was mostly zapped from me after work. The proverbial spoons being just enough to get me from work to home before I crashed on the couch. Sucks very much does it. I’d actually like to be enjoying it a bit outside. On this last gasp of summer.

At least my windows are open and my cat is happy, right?

via https://dayone.me/U6wzCB

Posted 1 week ago

At one point, today was a good day

As I left work this afternoon I had Ice Cube running through my head because today was a good day. Unfortunately that’s where it ended.

Simply: Directing the AM show, 3 Urban Perspective shows, making code changes on the Saturday master so my fill-in next week won’t have too many issues, and the guilt associated with the fact I did not have time this morning before I left to make a lunch and therefore had to go to Jimmy John’s kind of just all took way more spoons than I apparently had available today. I just kind of…passed out on the couch. As I was talking to people online.

I should have seen this coming. For one, as referenced above, this morning was a time crunch. Part of it being that it’s no longer an option to just skip breakfast and eat whatever from the vending machine or get a sandwich from Starbucks. (Though I do need to use my free one soon or it’ll expire.) This whole dieting thing (which I just realized I don’t think I’ve mentioned yet, so I’ll make a post on that shortly) has also taken a toll on me. It’s very…involved. Last time I had to do something like this (doctor’s orders!) I had help, physically. This time, I don’t.

There’s also additional stress on me today given that my friends keep reminding me of something that I can’t participate in this year. Gah!

Plus I’m hungry and don’t really have the energy to cook.

Oh and before I go… As I was sleeping on the couch, I had the weirdest of the weird dreams. (I’ll spare you the details, mostly.) But it ended with us all eating fancy brats. And now I kind of want one. Pretty sure THAT isn’t on the diet.

So yeah. Today WAS a good day. Now it’s not.

via https://dayone.me/TQ9zqr

Posted 2 weeks ago
Lost & Alone

One of my biggest problems right now is that I feel lost and alone. Lost not in the sense that I don’t know where I’m at right now, but in the sense that I have no idea what direction I’m taking. What path I should follow. Which Witch will be the one who helps me on my journey. Some days the path is clear, others it’s fogged in. Today it’s very foggy.

Some of this doubt over where I am comes from a post I blogged (http://lnkdby.me/litASpark) back on the day President Obama was inaugurated for his second term. That was over a year-and-a-half ago. What have I done to move closer to that goal? Well not much. Not that I haven’t tried. It just seems like the people I know are not the ones who are able to help get me to that point. Plus, people are terrible at returning calls, emails, texts, facebooks, etc.

Which brings me to feeling alone. I’ve felt very alone the last few days. I’ve tried reaching out to a few friends. I’ve called, emailed, etc. And I know they’re busy people. But at least one of them has told me to call when I need to. And I’ve taken their calls when they’ve needed someone to talk to. Sometimes it seems like when I need to reach out to someone, I get nothing. No support at all.

But more than that. I see a lot of my friends getting good news lately and feel like it should be my turn. But sometimes it’s hard. Because I have a hard time connecting with people and therefore I have a hard time building and maintaining connections to get to where I want to be. And friends who have offered help with this in the past, also too, seem to be lacking on the follow through.

So yeah. Oh and while I’m on the topic of alone. Nights like this headed into the cold season remind me just how physically alone I am.

Head Space state today: Really no better than it was yesterday. At this point I’m just trying to hang on until my weekend rolls around. Have cried a lot.
Current music: “Through Glass” by Stone Sour
Cover Image: It’s October 3rd. That means it’s ok to randomly include a Mean Girls reference for no particular reason. 😉  
via https://dayone.me/S0Qzac

Lost & Alone

One of my biggest problems right now is that I feel lost and alone. Lost not in the sense that I don’t know where I’m at right now, but in the sense that I have no idea what direction I’m taking. What path I should follow. Which Witch will be the one who helps me on my journey. Some days the path is clear, others it’s fogged in. Today it’s very foggy.

Some of this doubt over where I am comes from a post I blogged (http://lnkdby.me/litASpark) back on the day President Obama was inaugurated for his second term. That was over a year-and-a-half ago. What have I done to move closer to that goal? Well not much. Not that I haven’t tried. It just seems like the people I know are not the ones who are able to help get me to that point. Plus, people are terrible at returning calls, emails, texts, facebooks, etc.

Which brings me to feeling alone. I’ve felt very alone the last few days. I’ve tried reaching out to a few friends. I’ve called, emailed, etc. And I know they’re busy people. But at least one of them has told me to call when I need to. And I’ve taken their calls when they’ve needed someone to talk to. Sometimes it seems like when I need to reach out to someone, I get nothing. No support at all.

But more than that. I see a lot of my friends getting good news lately and feel like it should be my turn. But sometimes it’s hard. Because I have a hard time connecting with people and therefore I have a hard time building and maintaining connections to get to where I want to be. And friends who have offered help with this in the past, also too, seem to be lacking on the follow through.

So yeah. Oh and while I’m on the topic of alone. Nights like this headed into the cold season remind me just how physically alone I am.

  • Head Space state today: Really no better than it was yesterday. At this point I’m just trying to hang on until my weekend rolls around. Have cried a lot.
  • Current music: “Through Glass” by Stone Sour
  • Cover Image: It’s October 3rd. That means it’s ok to randomly include a Mean Girls reference for no particular reason. 😉

via https://dayone.me/S0Qzac

Posted 2 weeks ago

So apparently Day One gives you writing prompts sometimes. Neat.

“What one book would you recommend and why?”

Um. Janet Mock’s Redefining Realness. If there’s one book that I recommend it’s that book. It’s very, VERY powerful and moving. A life changing read. :)

via https://dayone.me/S09zCY

Posted 2 weeks ago

Being brutally honest

Today has not been one of my best days. I’m having a terrible head space time and I don’t know what to do about it at all. Right now I’m constantly on the bring of tears. I feel alone, burnt out, and just generally crappy. Some days I feel as tough in just bugging those people who I care about the most. And that friends are avoiding me because I’m too needy and clingy sometimes. (And yes I understand I’m hard to deal with sometimes, but that comes along with my huge gap in social understanding.) I also keep feeling like I can’t win. I can’t do anything right. And the fact that it’s dark early now and getting cold doesn’t help my situation.

Really… It’s not pretty in my brain sometimes. Or a lot of the time.

via https://dayone.me/RPpzo2

Posted 3 weeks ago

postmarq:

via marquetteu:

View our new TV commercial voiced by actor and Marquette alumnus Nick D’Agosto, Comm,’02.

“Go forth and set the world on fire.”St. Ignatius of Loyola

Why does it always feel like the CoC is left out of these?

Posted 4 weeks ago

Speaking of music randomness that’s welcome… Here’s Bikini Kill :) #codingonshuffle #amnewsers

(Source: Spotify)

Posted 4 weeks ago

Mmm. 10,000 Maniacs. Welcome addition to this morning’s music #codingonshuffle #amnewsers

(Source: Spotify)